I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
