there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
