Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
