Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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