A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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