You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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