My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
