I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize