don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
