So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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