he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
