Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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