If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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