I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
