I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
