I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize