i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
