Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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