I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
