yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
