dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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