I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
