guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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