I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
