Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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