Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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