Me. At least after what I've been through.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Even my vagina gasped.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
