At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
