Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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