i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i'm inner monologue high
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
