shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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