I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
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Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize