just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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