i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i think i just lost a toe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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