I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
