Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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