I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
