He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
