I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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