dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
