She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
