I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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