Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
