I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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