I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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