Don't make out with my wife yet
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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