All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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