wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
