I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
