Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
