YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
