I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
