airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
