i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
