is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
