We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize