the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
