You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
