I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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