She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
