I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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