We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
