i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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