It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
