$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
