No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
